tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-57488325079370824872024-03-05T05:54:34.398-08:00Becoming His Bride.Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02962170077366817023noreply@blogger.comBlogger223125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5748832507937082487.post-57058535252507092822013-11-04T18:48:00.001-08:002013-11-04T18:48:40.400-08:00I rejoice in being exactly what I am...<span style="font-family: inherit;">As I chatted with my best friend on the phone tonight, she remarked, "I wish my life was somewhat exciting so I'd have more to tell you. You have so much going on!" And it's true: I have a lot on my plate right now. Spiritually, I'm fighting sin hard and determined to align my heart with His. Personally and emotionally, there have been some serious upsets lately, things I never thought I'd face, and yet here I am. Psychologically, I'm in the process of going back to counseling, a good idea for those of us with psychological crosses to bear, especially during these transitional times. And truthfully, I live for Sundays, the day of rest that I gather with my church family to be restored and find peace in that Communion. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">In all of these things, I keep looking back to the Cross, to the sacrifice of Christ. I find myself trying desperately to quiet my soul and just be still in the Presence of the Creator. That's where I want to be: resting and waiting and listening for His voice. This poem speaks my heart well.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I do not know </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">when I have had happier times </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">in my soul</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">than when I have been sitting at work, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">with nothing before me</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">but a candle and a white cloth,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">and hearing no sound </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">but that of my own breath; </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">with God in my soul</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">and heaven in my eye.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I rejoice in being exactly what I am</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">- a creature capable of loving God,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">and who, as long as God lives,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">must be happy.</span><br />
<span style="color: #545132; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I get up </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #545132; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">and look a while out the window.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #545132; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I gaze at the moon and stars, </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #545132; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">the work of an Almighty Hand.</span></span><span style="color: #545132; font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">I think of the grandeur of the universe</span><br />
<span style="color: #545132; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">and then sit down</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #545132; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">and think myself </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #545132; font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">one of the happiest beings in it.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #545132; font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">These words are so beautiful that one would think they were written by a poet of great renown. But no, rather they were written by a poor Methodist woman in the 18th century. May my heart reflect such simple joy in God as hers did.</span>Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02962170077366817023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5748832507937082487.post-56229929828309881712013-07-14T22:19:00.000-07:002013-07-14T22:19:39.313-07:00In the night, my Hope lives on.I'm really struggling with patience.<br />
There. I said it. It's out.<br />
I am completely and thoroughly impatient in many areas constantly. But this week in particular, I've been clawing at the floors of Heaven, trying to get God on board with my plans, and get things going in the "right" direction. It's hilarious that I think I have a good idea at all. But just wait. It gets even funnier.<br />
I've been making my list, presenting it to the Lord, and feeling it bounce off the ceiling and into my lap.<br />
"First of all, this whole teaching thing, Lord. I mean, I love kids...but I don't know why you want me in this. Do you even remember last semester, Jesus? It was so not fun. What if this semester is the same? What if I really am bad at this? Also why am I in Jackson if I can't find my niche in a classroom? And while we are on the topic of Jackson, God, shouldn't there be a husband here for me? I mean...I've got a great idea for one, but You haven't really told him that yet, so I'm still waiting. Do you see how old I am? 23! And I'm not getting any younger down here. So, are you going to work on that? Oh and what about my friendships? Shouldn't this be different? Shouldn't that be better?"<br />
And on and on I go.<br />
On Friday, I was reading Galatians 5:16-26, the passage we are working through at City. As I thought through the fruit of the Spirit, I realized something. "Let's see, love was Pastor Russ. Jordan was obviously joy. Kyle preached on peace. So, this week..." That's right. This week's sermon was on PATIENCE. From Friday on, I knew that I was going to get my butt kicked at church today. I dragged my heels getting there today. Sitting in the pew, I could feel it coming. Matthew Marshall started preaching...and it was nothing like I expected. I expected this sermon on how to be patient like the Lord. But instead, this was about how to be patient FOR the Lord. Prophetic patience, if you will. For as my hope is in the Lord, so should my eyes be on Him. Not on my current struggles or worries or pains, but on the prophesied Coming of the King. I should be patient in knowing that He is coming, and He will make the wrongs right. He will wipe every tear from every eye, and He will set the captives free. How much bigger is His plan to do all these things than to rescue me from my tiny worries!<br />
So, though I know He is completely concerned with me and my needs and my cares, I instead choose to love the Lord by putting my hand on the plow and trusting that He indeed lives and will come again.<br />
I don't know about you, but the time that my worries overtake me are usually nighttime. I'm very vulnerable to the lies of the devil when I am tired and alone. Today, we sang a song that completely changed my perspective on the night. I hope that by hearing these truths, you, dear reader, will be reminded of the Truth of the Gospel, and be assured that though your nights be dark, our Hope still lives on.<br />
Listen to this song, and be reminded of the peace and hope we hold.<br />
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<br />Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02962170077366817023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5748832507937082487.post-40886907017066528232013-07-11T22:59:00.000-07:002013-07-11T22:59:01.440-07:00Blessed.Here in the South, we overuse the word "bless." "Bless her heart" to the girl with the too short skirt. "Bless his heart" to the sweet chubby cheeks of a toddler. "Bless this food" for every meal. And on and on it goes. But as I sit down to write this blog post, I can't seem to think of a more fitting word for my life: I am so blessed. I am constantly asking for blessings of the Lord. And boy, am I trying to be a blessing.<br />
Let me give you a few details: First of all, it's summer, a blessing for all teachers. I'm enjoying some time off and spending my days nannying a tiny girl. She's as sweet as pie, and I love playing mommy. I finished the spring semester as strong as I could, and I'm spending lots of time rethinking my classroom and my strategies as a teacher as the baby and I enjoy babbling sessions and naptime.<br />I'm living in a lovely new apartment with the perfect roommate. I'm not even joking; she's incredible. Kate's....well, Kate's giving and kind and loving and she just understands me. We have way too much fun together, and spend many hours at the pool, chatting and reading aloud to each other from our respective books. (Her pick? "Captivating." Mine? "The Happiness Project." I recommend them both!) We also spend more time talking into the wee hours of the morning, and usually end up crashing mid-sentence. She is a gift from the Lord, I am certain. Our apartment truly looks like home, and I'm sure eventually I'll get my act together and make my room look that way too.<br />Another major change has been the Lord's direction to a new church home. Though I loved my years at Englewood, the Spirit was very clear a few months ago that I needed to follow Him. So, I gave up my comfortable seat in the pew, and sat in a metal chair one Sunday afternoon at City Fellowship. My heart was immediately warmed, and my soul nourished by the songs, preaching, and sweet communion. I'm still settling in there, but I truly adore City, and I'm excited to discover more of why the Lord has brought me to this sweet family.<br />
As far as asking for blessings, I've been clinging to the Cross and asking for some specific things, especially in the area of spiritual growth. We are going through the fruit of the Spirit at church, and I see the buds of those fruits...but I want to see more in my life. I'm eager to see how the Lord can change my heart into His heart. <br />
I'm also asking for some serious direction in my life, especially in the area of jobs and happiness in that area. I know that the Lord has a perfect plan for me, and I am dying to see it. This last semester was very lonely and very hard. Honestly, I've completely avoided anything to do with teaching this summer because I was so turned off to it. But I know that He will renew my love for His calling on my life and He will draw me close as I prepare for another school year.<br />
Genuinely, I'm also asking for the blessing of a family. Not another one to be adopted by, rather I want to start my own. My heart is longing for all of the joys of the future, and I often find myself chatting that up with the Father.<br />
I won't brag about being a blessing, but I will say that I particularly have enjoyed using my sewing talents this summer to make sweet little baby blankets for newly born and adopted ones. I'm also getting to use my henna skills a lot more which is so fun and rewarding.<br />
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All that to say, I'm blessed. I'm happily awaiting more blessings. I'm learning to be a blessing. <br />
It's a good life.Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02962170077366817023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5748832507937082487.post-85514942138359786912013-02-17T22:24:00.001-08:002013-02-17T22:24:36.010-08:00Bitterness: It'll eat you up."Leave it in the darkness, and it festers and gets worse. Confession is opening the door to a dark, stale, dusty room, and inviting the light in to make it fresh and new again." -Lee Wilson<br />
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When the wisest man you know speaks, you listen...and you take his advice to heart. There have been many things that Lee has said to me, but this one has stuck with me. I have it saved in my phone, written in my journal, etched in my brain. Lee's wisdom is right, even when I am simply confessing my sins in front of myself and the Lord.<br />
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Bitterness has been the big one that I've let fester lately. Without going into too many details, last fall I was hurt very badly by someone I trusted completely...and since then, I've been bitter. Sure, I've bitten back angry words, only speaking my true feelings to those closest to me. I've never spoken ill of her, just expressed my sorrow. But man, have I been completely bitter.<br />
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There was a moment this week that I realized just how bitter I was towards her: the moment I rejoiced at her suffering. That's not an easy thing to confess, and I'm definitely not proud of it. But it just clicked for me at that moment. I had let all this yucky, festering sin build up in my heart, and it was changing how I reacted to things.<br />
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I can't say that I immediately let go of all the bitter feelings. There is a lot of damage there, and I have to work through that. But I've been brought back to reality. As a Believer, I cannot just sit here in sin and not do anything about it. I must take action, and fight against it with the strength of the Lord.<br />
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I wrote in my journal today: "I'm counting on the Gospel to wash away the bitterness in my soul. I need to get into the Word---and into the Light."<br />
I'm praying to be "washed in the water of the Word..." and for that washing to cleanse the mess out of my soul.Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02962170077366817023noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5748832507937082487.post-51194471014246604552013-01-16T07:23:00.003-08:002013-01-16T07:23:51.350-08:00Currently.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Let's expound on those thoughts, shall we?</div>
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Listening: Yes, I've been converted. I'm a TSwift fan, now that she has an incredible new album. It is now part of my regular rotation. </div>
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Loving: Does this need explanation? Doesn't everyone LOVE funfetti cupcakes?</div>
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Thinking: Yes, you read that right! I'm now a second grade teacher! Praising the Lord for His goodness!</div>
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Wanting: I just want to share this time with Natalie. Phone calls just aren't cutting it. </div>
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Needing: I'm just a baby teacher...so my classroom is going to be looking pretty bare. I want to go raid the Dollar tree ASAP.</div>
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One Little Word: BREATHE. I'm overwhelmed and overjoyed....both of which seem to take away my ability to breathe. I've got to remember to do that! </div>
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Linking this post up at <a href="http://ohboy3rdgrade.blogspot.com/">Farley's Oh Boy Fourth Grade</a>! It's my first time, so this is an interesting test for me. :) </div>
<br />Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02962170077366817023noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5748832507937082487.post-85547585218187352122012-12-27T19:26:00.001-08:002012-12-27T19:27:38.925-08:00A New Chapter.I've spent many moments pondering this blog post. How to begin...what to write about...where to even start... I suppose I will start with the good news: I finished student teaching and walked at December graduation. I have one January class, and I'll officially be a Union alumnus. As of January 25th, I'll be a licensed teacher in Tennessee (and able to receive licenses in almost every other state, for those of you who were wondering). On top of that, it has been a hectic Christmas season for my family...and I haven't managed to chronicle any bit of my life here in my corner of the web.<br />
Through all of this, it seems that the reigning theme of my life currently is transition. January is sure to only bring more of that, as I apply, interview, and Lord willing, land a teaching job. After those months of student teaching, I'm simply itching to have my own classroom and my own students. It's just the desire of my heart.<br />
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Though this is not exactly the most exciting update, I do hope that I can beg you for prayer through this transition. Especially for these three things:<br />
<ul>
<li>A car. I am still without one, and having a job will require one. </li>
<li>A place to live in the Jackson area after January. I'm not picky, but I would like a bed. :)</li>
<li>A job. A classroom. A place to do what I've been trained to do.</li>
</ul>
I've seen the faithfulness of the Lord so often this past semester. I'm so full of hope for the future that I can hardly contain it. I'm just anxious to see how this new phase of my life unfolds. Knowing the Author of Life can really make a girl thrilled to read the next chapter. </div>
Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02962170077366817023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5748832507937082487.post-83314090944835007952012-11-11T20:06:00.000-08:002012-11-11T20:06:17.538-08:00Teach us to number our days.Days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months...and suddenly, I'm standing here, looking at Thanksgiving and wondering where this semester went.<br />And then I remember.<br />It went to days and days of working with kindergartners.<br />Nights full of lesson planning.<br />Days filled with 5th graders.<br />More nights of planning.<br />But there has been more than that.<br />Nights full of laughter and conversation with friends.<br />Late nights dancing in the commons.<br />Hours spent in church services and choir rehearsals.<br />Time spent just being here in this moment.<br />
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And honestly, it has just swept over me like a giant wave. I've been lost in it, simply going through the motions. There has been little time spent thinking through the days...and much time spent doing.<br />
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Sadly, there has been little time spent praying. I didn't realize just how little I was communicating with the Father until one night, He just flat out told me. "You haven't spoken to Me in two weeks." Two weeks? It couldn't have been that long! But as I did the math, I knew He was right. I had been swept away and wrapped up...mostly in my own emotions. I didn't want to tell the Lord how I felt, and so I didn't speak to Him at all. However, in all of this there is an encouraging lesson. Though I stopped speaking to Him, He never stopped speaking to me. His voice was constantly on my ear, even when I didn't want to hear Him. The still small Voice was very real to me.<br />
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I'm once again astounded by His faithfulness. The silent treatment isn't fun for me, and I imagine it isn't fun for Him either. But He has stood by me. "There is no shadow of turning with Thee" is once again true. For my God is unmovable and unchanging. And for that, I am thankful.Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02962170077366817023noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5748832507937082487.post-25273969765806572732012-10-13T20:41:00.000-07:002012-10-13T20:41:22.874-07:00Backed by a Powerful Army in this Battle.This semester has flown by...and not with a gentle breeze, mind you. I've been caught up in this mighty rushing wind, gusting along through my life and pulling me along with it. I would be lying if I said that I've loved it. There have been many moments that I have enjoyed...and at least as many that I have greatly disliked. I'd be dishonest if I didn't mention that depression has decided to follow me around again. It's even more of a daily battle right now. I'm so grateful for the Lord's faithfulness...for I've found again that He is the only One who will truly remain faithful.<br />
As I face the coming weeks, the work that lies ahead seems daunting. Hours to account for in the form of lesson plans. Minutes to fill with distractions from depressive thoughts. Seconds to tick by while I wish moments away. It's in those moments that contact with the Lord is necessary. He is the Lifeline that I cling to.<br />
Each battle comes with a need for new armor, for the old armor is already dented. New coping mechanisms, new ideas, sometimes new medicine...the latest has required all three. I'm thankful that I have those options, as so many others fight this battle alone.<br />
Alone is something I have often felt lately...but something I'm truly not. God has been gracious...and He has blessed me with an army to back me up. A little group of sophomores that I thought I was taking under my wing has truly taken up my burdens with me, and keeps my sanity close by. In fact, I was just told by one of them, "praying for you as I fall asleep." What a gem he is...and the rest of them as well. I didn't know I would need them, and now that I have them, I don't know what I'd do without their support and encouragement.<br />
Though this is not the joyous update that would seem appropriate to my last semester of college, it is fitting, for the joy that is here is found in Christ. The hope that I have is from the Lord. The love that I know is not from humans, but rather from the Creator. And the human love has been given to me by God Himself as a promise that He will never leave me alone.Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02962170077366817023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5748832507937082487.post-68911566174184006732012-09-09T21:07:00.001-07:002012-09-09T21:07:46.178-07:00Thankful, yet again.Today, I am grateful for...<br />
a. surprise friendships. Not that I am ever truly without a friend, but I've hit a lonely spot lately. The Lord is faithful to provide new friends to fill that void. I'm so blessed by those who are close to me, both new and old.<br />
b. clean sheets. I've recently discovered the glories of having one's detergent and fabric softener be the same scent. Tonight's bed is so marvelous, both in scent and softness.<br />
c. hot water. After a few days of illness and a bad headache, there is simply nothing like a hot shower. Even washing my hands with hot water seems to help. I'm so blessed to have hot running water.<br />
d. forgiveness. I've been reminded yet again of my need for forgiveness. The Father is so faithful to wash us clean. I'm amazed at His grace.<br />
e. white. The purity, the classy crispness, the blankness waiting to be filled. I adore it. Seeing white through the eyes of the Gospel is an experience like none other.Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02962170077366817023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5748832507937082487.post-61920003744077769332012-08-13T23:01:00.000-07:002012-08-13T23:01:36.738-07:00A Sinful Jill-of-All-Trades.<span style="font-family: inherit;">I often end up envious of that girl who seems to be able to do everything. She has a 4.0. She is never stressed. She is a leader in her sorority or club. She mentors younger girls. She is a small group leader at church. She makes crafts and gives them away. She has a daily quiet time with the Lord. She is always smiling. She is <b>the</b> Jill-of-All-Trades.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">On the other hand, I am the kind of Jill-of-All-Trades you do not want to be. Rather than dabbling in all of these edifying and encouraging options, I am constantly dabbling in different areas of sin. One day, I'm terribly greedy, wanting to hoard all of my friends to myself. I'm envious of others' success. I'm jealous of friends who have what I want. I lust. I waste time. I put myself first. I gossip. I lie. It's almost like I find sin...and then I wallow in it, like a pig in the mud.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I do all of these things on a daily basis.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And I ignore the convictions in my heart. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But suddenly tonight, the one night that I was determined to fall asleep early, I found myself in the midst of obvious sin....and I was greatly convicted. So convicted that I felt like I needed to shower to somehow get the sin off of me before I could even process the matter. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But, sitting here in my bed, I am reminded of a quote that speaks to this conviction in my heart: <span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;">“<i>Although my memory's fading, I remember two things very clearly: I am a great sinner and Christ is a great Savior.”</i></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;"><i> </i>John Newton spoke my heart more concisely than I ever could. I am a mess. A huge mess, both inside my heart and outside...but the Lord has saved me from my mess. He has whitewashed the sin out of my heart, and replaced it with a rich ground for the Fruits of the Spirit to grow out of. And even now, as I feel the weeds of sin growing in me once again, in my conviction and confession, He is gently removing them, root by root, and smoothing the dirt over so that I can start anew. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; line-height: 18px;">I am so very thankful to serve a great Savior, a Savior who so willingly loves me, even in the midst of my mess. Even when my brain is screaming the lies that depression causes...even when I cannot seem to shake a sin out of my life...even when I forget to ask for direction...He lovingly leads me, and I am never alone.</span></span><br />
<br />Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02962170077366817023noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5748832507937082487.post-90569156961432676402012-07-29T23:47:00.000-07:002012-07-29T23:47:34.008-07:00The Grateful 5.Today, I am grateful for...<br />
1. My mentor who will text me at two in the morning, just because she knows I'm having a hard night.<br />
2. My church family and the hope that communal worship brings to me.<br />
3. Inspiration to journal and create art that communicates my feelings, even when they are not happy.<br />
4. The promise of a new week, and with it, new mercies.<br />
5. "They will see His face, and His name will be on their foreheads." Revelation 22:4.Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02962170077366817023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5748832507937082487.post-41042056469583528312012-07-28T21:27:00.000-07:002012-07-28T21:27:59.009-07:00Sometimes it's hard to be grateful.My mom is a wise woman, and given my current period of depression (which explains my lack of posting), she has encouraged me to start writing down five things I am grateful for at the end of each day. I'm writing them on my white board with hopes that seeing them all day will inspire me to be more grateful.<br />
I thought I would share today's with you, and perhaps encourage you to find new things to be grateful for as well. It can only do good things for all of us.<br />
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Today, I am grateful for...<br />
1. Visiting friends. Two of my sweet residents and dear ones, Savannah and Angela, came to see me. I miss my girls desperately...and it was a joy to see them both. I am so glad to have gained friends in all of them this summer, especially in the ones that I get to talk to daily. Who know I'd gain a bestie out of it all?<br />
2. The Olympics. I was so thrilled to watch the Opening Ceremonies. Even in the <b>long </b>Parade of Nations, I found such joy in seeing all of the countries represented.<br />
3. Air conditioning. It is hotter than Hades out there, and I love the cool breeze in here. It is so good to not glisten from the humidity.<br />
4. Honesty. I had a serious conversation with a friend at dinner tonight, and it was hard, yes. But honesty...true communal honesty is refreshing.<br />
5. Lastly, I'm so very grateful for Natalie. It continues to amaze me how great of a best friend she is, even from Orlando. She knows me so well, and is never afraid to tell me exactly what she thinks. ALSO I am so proud of her for passing her NCLEX officially today! She is the smartest.<br />
<br />
Also...Juno is on TV, and despite my hatred for all things that turn the brain to mush, I adore this movie. Somewhere in the midst of the mess of teen pregnancy, there is a beautiful message in it all. Plus, it's truly hilarious. So, I'm thankful for that too. Something to laugh about is hard to find during these days.<br />
<br />
Psalm 25:16-21Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02962170077366817023noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5748832507937082487.post-27375023534467100112012-07-09T20:06:00.000-07:002012-07-09T20:06:17.211-07:00The chorus will never get old.I'm a day dreamer. I always have been. It's in my blood, I suppose.<br />
When my mom would put me in time out, she would tell me to sit on my hands...so that I couldn't create characters out of my fingers and enjoy my peaceful dreams during my time out.<br />
I'm blessed with a big imagination. One that creates tiny worlds for fairies and big dreams for my future. One that uses hot air balloons for transportation and flowers for hair bows. One that has high hopes and charming ways.<br />
Lately, I haven't been creating fantasy worlds though. I've been imagining a world that is very real, yet is still out of my reach. With living alone this summer, I'm faced with my own humanity and sinfulness many moments out of the day. And so I long for Heaven, a land where all of my humanity will be cast aside and I will finally be who He is making me into.<br />
In my dreams, Heaven is a preschooler's dream. Everything is multicolored, more iridescent than gaudy. Pearl not only covers the gates, but any furniture is also covered by a coat of reflective beauty.<span style="background-color: white;"> </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">All of the believers are best friends, closer than we can understand now. Our hearts have been truly united, making us One Body under the Lamb. Everyone recognizes the beauty in our differences, a multitude of nationalities worshiping the Only One. Children stream ribbons through the crowd of thousands, shouting and cheering. And yet no one hushes them, for everyone is singing "Holy Holy Holy!" at the top of their lungs. And the chorus never gets old. </span><br />
There is an unmistakable sweetness in the air, a scent that could only be described as the essence of the Lord's presence. There are tables and tables of the freshest food, and we are always hungry for more and yet always satisfied.<br />
Everything exists to reflect the Light of the Son. Mirrors. Diamonds. Gems. Even the faces of the multitude mirror His greatness and His beauty. Despite all the fun and merriment surrounding them, no one can take their eyes off of the Lamb. No one can remove their attention from the Savior. There is dancing by all, and the singing never stops. For their hearts know that no matter how long they sing and how many praises they bring...it will never truly be enough.Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02962170077366817023noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5748832507937082487.post-46575329328255454112012-07-03T22:30:00.002-07:002012-07-03T22:30:41.410-07:00What a Wave.I can't believe I have gone a whole month without posting here. If anything, that just shows you how busy, crazy, and absolutely amazing my June was. Much to your disappointment (hopefully), I'm not going to be recapping my whole month today. I'm taking a Luke Pruett-ordered detox week, and heading to Dickson tomorrow to spend time with my family.<br />What I can tell you is that the Lord truly is the same God that He has always been: the Creator God who delights in His children, the Atoning God who provides a different sacrifice, the Loving God who personally builds amazing friendships like David and Jonathon's, and the Restoring God who gives strength when we are weak.<br />
Though I am desperately missing our Rising Seniors, especially a certain few (You know who you are), I am grateful for this time of reflection and renewal. I can see the shadows of uncertainty rising in my future, and I'm glad for these few days to be still and rest my body with my loved ones and rest my spirit before the Lord.<br />
For now, I leave you with my new favorite quote: "I have learned to kiss the wave that throws me against the Rock of Ages." Thank you, Charles Spurgeon, for speaking my thoughts exactly.Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02962170077366817023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5748832507937082487.post-53293272401629968552012-06-05T00:37:00.000-07:002012-06-05T00:39:38.704-07:00Surprise Surprise.These first few weeks of summer have brought many surprises to my life.<br />
I was surprised at how fun it is to keep two toddlers for a whole weekend, how hard it was to watch my class graduate, and how many hours Sarah and I talked on the phone while she drove to Texas.<br />
I was surprised by how restful home was, seven sweet little kittens on our back porch, along with an intense tooth ache.<br />
I was surprised by a hotel stay, my favorite getaway, and a lovely bouquet of daisies.<br />
I was surprised by the decision to remove my painful tooth, the strength of the sedatives they gave me and how few hours of that day I actually can remember.<br />
I was surprised at how much I immediately missed my Sarah.<br />
I was surprised at how often Karisa and I talk and how badly I want to leave for Louisville daily.<br />
I was surprised by how quickly Natalie's wedding is approaching.<br />
I was surprised by how quickly I've come to love being in Jackson for the summer and my quick friendship with baby Liam, my daily dose of therapy.<br />
I was surprised at the sheer energy and sweetness of my Rising High School Senior Residents, as well as my energy and lack of fear during our first tornado warning, and my first as an RA.<br />
I was surprised by my need for alone time...and how hard it is to find.<br />
I was surprised by how grateful I am to have Margaret, Anna Marie, Kate, and Molly in Jackson too.<br />
I was surprised by the Lord's graciousness towards me, and His moving in my heart to break it again over my friends and residents.<br />
<br />
But honestly, I'm not surprised anymore. All of these things...they are in the plan. I didn't design the plan, but I know Who did, and He loves to throw a good curve ball. I can tell that I'm growing to roll with the punches, to not be surprised, but rather anticipate the new wrenches in my plans. In the end, the fact that I had a plan....well, that's what messes everything up. Waiting on Him and His direction...that makes the curve balls a little less surprising. And honestly, I'd rather get a curve ball to the stomach from the Lord than have smooth sailing on my own messy plan.Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02962170077366817023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5748832507937082487.post-72013301002143287092012-05-11T18:46:00.001-07:002012-05-11T18:46:30.163-07:00Stained glass honesty.I've been inspired by my very honest blogging peers who have laid their hearts and shortcomings out on the table in the past week or so. Oftentimes, I will start a blog, only to realize that it makes me sound shallow or miserable or unkind...and then I trash it. The truth of the matter is that I'm often shallow, miserable, and unkind. All at once. I'm a human, but for some reason, the internet leads me to hide that. Transparency is a treasure in relationships, but not on the web. When the screen separates us, I somehow feel that I won't be understood, so I shouldn't post my true self. I should just fake all of my readers out, and convince you that I have it all together. See, the truth is I don't have it all together. I'm doing good to have all my clothes on when I leave the room. I often say things that don't reflect me or Christ well. I can be needy and clingy, relying on friends rather than the Lord. I leave a mess everywhere, and my feelings are easily hurt. I rarely wash my hair. I bite back bitter words, only to harbor the feelings in my heart. I hate making my bed. I rarely fold my clothes straight out of the dryer, thus my wrinkled appearance on a daily basis. I don't really know what the top of my desk looks like. I don't share Oreos with anyone. I get really frustrated when I'm not asked how I am. I judge easily, and sometimes I even share my judgement with my best friends. I am easily jealous and selfish. And honestly, I've not been doing so hot lately. Depression eats me up so much of the time. It keeps me from being my usual exuberant self, and puts me in this mopey box where I sit and try to blog, but can't think of anything encouraging to say. As much as I long to bring you encouraging words of wisdom from the Scripture, I just don't have encouragement to give. As much as I want to retell funny stories from my life, jokes fall flat when they land on my ears. As much as I want to relay my excitement at the end of the semester and my wonderful summer job, I know that it would sound fake and empty...and empty would be appropriate. For, though I am lit up with the light of Christ, I feel very hollow inside, as if the life within me has been replaced with something thin. Almost as if my stained-glass insides have been replaced with plastic wrap copies...the rich jewel tones of the pieces of my heart have been thinned and flattened into meager representations of their former colors. The Light can still shine through, but I don't feel like it looks as lovely shining through me. In all of this, I stand with Job, who makes my life look like a picnic, and I say along with him, "I know that my Redeemer lives." For He does, and He will stand on this earth. Be it tomorrow or ten thousand years from now, the war has already won...and my little battle doesn't count for anything.<br />
So, be it stained glass or plastic wrap, my heart will still sing the same Name. For even in my darkest days and hardest hours, the Name of Jesus is comforting and reassuring, for He does live. Even when I don't feel that it is worth it, He lives on. And that, my friend, shines through. All hollowness aside, His glory is glorious forever.Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02962170077366817023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5748832507937082487.post-5012389273606880482012-04-25T22:08:00.001-07:002012-04-25T22:08:48.141-07:00The feeling of holding a baby.I don't remember much about my brother being a baby. It's unusual actually. I was eight when he was born, plenty old enough to remember moments from that time. No, I don't remember Andrew. I remember when Audrey was tiny, sixteen years ago this month. I remember the outfit I wore to see her in the hospital, the white bow in my hair, and even the candy I ate while Mama was in labor. I remember walking to visit Emma when she was first born. I was only two, but the giant parking lot and my tiny feet are vivid in my mind, as well as the Halloween Oreos I nibbled on in my mom's hospital room.<br />
No, Baby Andrew slipped away. We always joke that the three of us girls were always playing, and his routine of sleeping and eating was too boring for us. But it really is true! To a 8 year old, a 6 year old, and a 2 year old, a sleeping baby doesn't seem too thrilling. I blame our fun for my lack of memories of a tiny boy.<br />
Tonight though, somehow a memory slipped through. It was almost like a whisper of a moment, like a feather I needed to catch before it blew away again. There he was-tiny baby Andrew, in our bathroom of all places. Wrinkled and red, he looked like we had just given him a quick sponge bath. He was so young that he still had the stump where his bellybutton would eventually be. I've always found that little clip so fascinating, like a marker to where life flowed in and out of his little body. A hooded towel, my mom's favorite for all babies, wrapped around him, and suddenly he was in my arms. Little eight year old me was in awe...and tonight, I remembered that feeling. The feeling of holding a new life and wondering at it. The feeling of a warm, damp, tiny baby that shares your genes, your home, your life. The feeling of pride and responsibility. The feeling of home that I feel when I hold a baby, the purpose they bring to me. The feeling of fear that something will happen, and they will fall, and you will break them. The feeling that feels so perfect in my heart, like it fills me up in a way that nothing else could.<br />
As quick as the memory slipped in, it was gone. But it left behind the wonder I felt as I looked down on him. It's that wonder that I want to hold onto. The standing-in-awe-because-life-is-precious wonder that is a gift from God. That is what I want to hold with clenched fingers for the rest of my life.Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02962170077366817023noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5748832507937082487.post-37222930540550100542012-04-08T17:34:00.005-07:002012-04-08T17:35:36.249-07:00He is Risen.<span style="font-family: inherit;">"I do not mind telling you that within me I find the Easter message and the reality of the Resurrection more beautiful and glorious than the Christmas scene. Christmas tells us that Jesus was born; that He was born for the humiliation of suffering and death and atonement. But Easter is the radiant and glory-filled celebration of Christ's mighty triumph over the grave and death and hell! When Easter comes, our voices are raised in the triumphant chorus: The three sad days had quickly sped; He rises glorious from the dead! There is the real beauty! This is more than the beauty of color; more than the beauty of outline or form; more than the beauty of physical proportion. In the living Christ is the perfection of all beauty; and because He lives, we too shall live in the presence of His beauty and the beauties of heaven, forever!" - A.W. Tozer </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Hallelujah!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">He is Risen indeed.</span>Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02962170077366817023noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5748832507937082487.post-4277608978112617222012-04-06T16:39:00.000-07:002012-04-06T17:17:38.251-07:00Wonderful Merciful Savior.On this Good Friday, I can say nothing better that what Scripture says. My praises of His sacrifice don't even begin to do His name justice. May these verses be water to your soul as we remember what today means and eagerly wait for Sunday.<br />
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<br />Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02962170077366817023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5748832507937082487.post-10637968061325944362012-04-01T21:23:00.000-07:002012-04-01T21:23:23.482-07:00Palms.<b>"Blessed is the King who comes in the name of the Lord! Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!" </b><br />
Those words have been ringing in my head all day.<br />
Long after their echo left the room.<br />
Long after the collection of crock pots and snacks.<br />
Long after the hugs and exchanges of phone numbers.<br />
Long after the trek home and the nap that followed.<br />
The Truth is the Truth, and it is fitting that the praise of the Lamb continues throughout this Holy day.<br />
<br />
Though we had neither palm branches nor a donkey, we exalted the King with voices through both word and song. We were washed in the water of the Word. I was blessed to hear the Covenant of the Life Group Leaders of 2012 read aloud and affirmed with prayer. We thanked the Lord for His mercy and goodness. We stood in awe.<br />
And still the voices echoed and rang loudly from the rafters: <b>"Blessed is the King who comes in the name of the Lord! Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!" </b><br />
<br />
Everywhere I looked, there were palms. Palms of hands raised high in worship. Palms pressed together in fervent prayer. Palms of a fearless man praying grace upon the room. Palms lifting heavy pots, shaking hands, patting backs. Palms serving. Palms being Christ.<br />
Though there were no palm branches to wave, there was honor given to the King by the work and worship of His children. And it echoes even louder in our hearts:<br />
<b>"Blessed is the King who comes in the name of the Lord! Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!" </b>Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02962170077366817023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5748832507937082487.post-78488047529829616162012-03-26T21:08:00.002-07:002012-03-26T21:09:36.745-07:00Lighten my darkness.<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">If there is anything that I cannot fully comprehend, it does not even compare to my amazement at the Cross. The compassion of Christ on my soul is beyond my thoughts and words. Elisabeth Elliot speaks the words I cannot:</span><br />
<br />
<div style="list-style-type: disc;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">"The face of Jesus:</span></div>
<ul style="margin-top: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">marred more than any man--<br style="list-style-type: disc; margin-top: 0px;" />spit upon, <br style="list-style-type: disc; margin-top: 0px;" />slapped, <br style="list-style-type: disc; margin-top: 0px;" />thorn-pierced, <br style="list-style-type: disc; margin-top: 0px;" />bloodied, <br style="list-style-type: disc; margin-top: 0px;" />sweating, <br style="list-style-type: disc; margin-top: 0px;" />the beard plucked, <br style="list-style-type: disc; margin-top: 0px;" />twisted in pain--</span></ul>
<div style="list-style-type: disc;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">For my salvation.</span></div>
<div style="list-style-type: disc;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">A glorious face, now.</span></div>
<div style="list-style-type: disc;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Let its light shine on me, O Light of Life.</span></div>
<div style="list-style-type: disc;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Let Your radiance fall on me, Sun and Savior,</span></div>
<div style="list-style-type: disc;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Lighten my darkness.</span></div>
<div style="list-style-type: disc;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Then grant me this by Your grace:</span></div>
<div style="list-style-type: disc;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">That I, in turn, may give</span></div>
<div style="list-style-type: disc;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">'The light of the knowledge of the glory of God' (2 Cor 4:6 AV)</span></div>
<div style="list-style-type: disc;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">As I see it in the face of Jesus Christ."</span></div>
<div style="list-style-type: disc;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="list-style-type: disc;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">May I continuously as for His radiance for my bit of light will never compare to His brilliance. </span></div>Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02962170077366817023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5748832507937082487.post-73733430633966794362012-03-14T14:13:00.001-07:002012-03-14T14:14:35.711-07:00It's the Little Things.Sunshine.<br />
Jazzy music from days gone by.<br />
A patterned notebook.<br />
The reappearance of my treasured journal.<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
A very good hair day. </div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
A purple shirt.</div>
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Encouraging words from a stranger.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Not-quite-ripe pears.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
The absence of tears.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
The gentle breeze.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Lunch full of laughter.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Wednesdays.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Calming words from a tiny dear one.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Moments to speak with the Lord.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Restful time.</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Ocean colored yarn.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
More patience. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Less heartache.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
More Jesus.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Less Anna.</div>Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02962170077366817023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5748832507937082487.post-77498854617188514512012-03-11T19:17:00.000-07:002012-03-11T19:17:56.001-07:00trying not to squint<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">weird feelings in my heart.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">ones that i can't explain,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">i'd rather keep them in the dark.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">ones i don't have words for, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">and if i could find them, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">i don't know that i could find the courage to speak them.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">somewhere, floating in a sea of suicide and self-loathing,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">of tiny joys and fake smiles, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">of loneliness and just getting by.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">treading water, i look for You. where are You?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">these are the moments i need to see You in...</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">but i don't.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">instead, i see pain, regret, confusion, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">misery, jealousy,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">sin, sin, and more sin.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">i see secrets that build walls</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">and break hearts in two.</span>
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">i see thousands of moments</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">and hundreds of humans, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">swimming in this sea of sin alongside me.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">but i'm completely alone.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">where are You?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">suddenly, i notice their eyes, clenched shut.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">not a single ray could have reached those pupils.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">in my wide-eyed state, i realize that You are here.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">and it is by You that i see the pool, lake, ocean of sin </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">we are all swimming in.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">it's my wide open eyes, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">the ones that burn with pent up tears, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">those eyes let me see it all,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">but it is You, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">You who i am so desperately searching for,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">who make it all visible.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">they are blind by choice, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">conforming to the waves of sin,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">the gentle current that turns into the tight grip of a rip tide.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">swim along it! </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">i want to scream.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">swim along it...</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">and get out.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">but i fight my own battles with this sin-sea.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">i tread water,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">viciously paddling away from visible currents, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">only to have my legs pulled out from under me,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">the water pulling, yanking, tearing me deeper.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">below the surface, i no longer see You,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">nor can i see by You.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">i simply don't see.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">there is no light, no reason to open my eyes.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">i have no eyes to truly open.</span>
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">but the longing for Light, for You, kicks in...</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">and the fight begins.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">i push up towards the surface, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">waiting for the warmth to hit my face.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">as i wrestle out of the grip of the ocean's depths,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">i am restored by Your presence...</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">and drawn to Your radiance. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">so much glory to take in...</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">i lay on my back, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">floating and soaking up rays of You,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">watching for rip tides and pray against darkness,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">against losing sight,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">against the sin that lies beneath the surface.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">i pray and watch...</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: inherit; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">and i try not to squint as You beam down on me.</span>Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02962170077366817023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5748832507937082487.post-16176026793188586842012-03-04T14:02:00.001-08:002012-03-04T14:02:59.233-08:00The Most Precious of Days.This day is an important day in my life.<br />
March 4th. It doesn't look important. There are no fireworks, no parades, no ceremonies.<br />
But it is the most important day I can remember.<br />
Sure, I remember the days that each of my siblings were born. Going to the hospital to find Mama and the newest baby was thrilling. Seeing the tiny face that looked so much like my own, but yet so different was astounding for my little mind. Smelling the strange hospital smells mixed with the sweet baby smell of my newest best friend and the scent of the chocolate that my dad had stashed somewhere in that tiny room...it was just so much for my senses. Feeling the hugs of my grandparents, holding the baby for the first time, and leaning against my proud daddy...we were all happy and together. And yes, it was important. But it doesn't top this day.<br />
Even my birthdays have been important. Each party sillier and more dramatic than the last. Each year, more friends were invited, more noise was made, and more laughter was heard. I can pick out specific birthdays in my memory, but sometimes I'm not sure if they are my own birthday or the birthday of a sister. It truly didn't matter. The parties were for everyone. We all celebrated and laughed and were joyous together. But today isn't my birthday.<br />
It isn't the anniversary of meeting my best friend or coming to Union. It isn't a day that anyone else would wake up and think of immediately. It isn't a day that matters much to anyone else. But today means everything to me.<br />
Today is the eleven year anniversary of my salvation. Yet, unlike all those other occasions, I don't remember much from those precious moments. Mostly I remember how bright the lights seemed in our sanctuary. I can remember the feeling of the chair in front of me under the tight grip of my fingers. I can remember the shape of my small feet against the hardwood floor, the sound of a hymn playing, the nervous beating of my heart.<br />
But most of all, I remember the peace. Not the sound of peace, but the feeling of peace that settled into my heart that night and hasn't flown away since. This day isn't a day for parades, but rather for quiet reflection and thanksgiving. It's not a day that immediately matters to anyone but me...but in the years to come, this day will matter to those who I continue to share the Gospel with, to my future husband who will have a Believing wife, and to my future children who will have a Godly mother.<br />
I don't remember the words I spoke to the Lord. I don't remember what was said to convince me of my need for salvation. All I know is that I knew I needed Jesus...and how right I was.<br />
How fitting that my pastor preached solely on Christ's death and resurrection today. Every moment of our service was focused on the Blood...and it was good. Every word spoken, every song sung, every single breath...they all rejuvenated me. Most importantly, they reminded me of the Power that the Blood had-and has- to cleanse me from my sin. How precious that Flow truly is, for it does make me white as snow.<br />
<br />Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02962170077366817023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5748832507937082487.post-89270852490263935812012-02-27T20:46:00.000-08:002012-02-27T20:46:59.381-08:00Sometimes I'm Alice.At times, I feel very much so like Alice in Wonderland. Not the part with the Cheshire cat or the caterpillar, an I certainly don't have the Queen of Hearts chasing after me. "Off with her head!" Nope, I don't hear that. Rather, I feel like the moments where Alice is too big or too small for her surroundings. Either her knees are pressed up against the walls because she is a giant, looming over the tiny chairs, or she is hanging from the leg of a table, barely able to fit her arms around it. The strange sensation of not fitting where she should overcomes Alice, and she is rather relieved to return to her natural size.<br />
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Obviously, I am neither a giant nor a lilliputian, but I am like Alice inside of myself. The tiniest instances become giants in my brain, and the huge stresses are like crumbs on the table of my life. A simple misunderstanding becomes an unresolvable issue. A huge test becomes a tiny homework check. It is as if I pick up the bottle labeled "Drink me" every morning, and guzzle the whole bottle without a second thought. I'm sure I'm not alone in this, but I often feel as if my proportions are so off from the rest of the world that I will never be understood. I feel like I'll constantly be wandering around like a tiny person in a mansion or trampling things like a giant in a dollhouse. I just want to put down the bottle, crumble the "Eat me" cracker, and walk away. But I just cannot. The proportions of my emotions and feelings will just be off balance for now. Every text message without a reply, a battle against tears. Every tweet of a bird, a cause for confetti. Every test, a blip on my radar. Every huge moment, another day. Sure, it's a strange world to live in...but it's mine. And perhaps one day, the tiny chairs won't feel so small; the giant tables won't loom so largely. Maybe one day, I'll be able to see as everyone else. But until then, I'll be here, elbows pressed against the windows, head squished against the ceiling or tiny feet scampering over the boulders of gravel, nimble fingers petting ants on the head. I'll just be here, waiting for the world, my world, to make sense.Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02962170077366817023noreply@blogger.com0