Anxiety is a trap that is a constant in my life. Some days, I'm only anxious for obvious reasons, stress or new things. Some days, I'm anxious over things that make no sense at all, phone conversations or repetitive noise. I know that part of this anxiety is rooted in my brain, where chemicals have gone haywire and nothing seems to work correctly in that little area that controls my emotions. I can place part of the blame on fallen humanity and how my own humanness is particularly obvious in my struggle with depression and anxiety.
However, there is another kind of anxiety that only I am to blame for: the kind where I am constantly focusing on the subject of my worries. Right now, I could sit for hours and brood over camp, how little I have packed for it, and a number of things that worry me about it. But, I know that this is sin. I know that it is pointless. I know that this isn't fruitful. I know all of that...and yet I continue in this habit of endless worry.
I'm determined to keep fighting this. I know that it truly is an endless battle. I really do. It's one that I'm experienced with fighting. But, times like this, times when the anxiety is almost overwhelming, make me want to give up. They make me want to stop kicking and screaming. I want to shove all of my experience behind me and just curl up into the fetal position. With my God, that is simply not an option. "We do not lose heart." It's a common verse at my school, but it has not lost its' meaning for me. I do not lose heart, for I know that my Savior lives.
While there is no encouragement like the Word, I found this quote from Benjamin Franklin particularly fitting and encouraging to my heart:
"Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen.
Keep in the sunlight."
This is what I need to do truly. Stay in the sunlight and have joy. Spend time with the Lord and soak Him up like the rays. Let His presence turn my skin golden. Dance in the sunshine that He has created for me, and just let tomorrow come.