Making a list, Checking it twice.

I'm a list maker. All day long, I've thought through lists and considered blogging about them. My favorite words. Best letters from the summer. Who I'm going to write to. Crafts to complete. To Do lists.

But the list that I keep coming back to is not a happy list. I feel like making a list of my sins. The problem is: there are too many to write down.

Lust. Jealousy. Greed. Hatred. Discontentment. Gluttony. Hurtful Words and Deeds.

And it goes on and on...

In all of this, I am graciously reminded of a song that we sang in Wednesday night worship at Garaywa and the lyrics to its' second verse:

I start the day, the war begins, endless reminding of my sin.

Time and time again Your truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in.

Today, I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way.

Jesus, can you show me just how far the east is from the west?

This is my truest struggle right now. Knowing that I can keep on sinning or I can turn is the hardest battle. For I know that what is right is right in front of me, but what is easier is found in the sin. It is harder to follow Christ than it is to live for Anna.

The truth is that my list of sins would be a million times longer than Santa's naughty and nice list...and that's just for these 21 years. Yet, when God looks through the blood of Christ, it might as well be a Post-It note, for all of those sins are gone. He put them as far as the east is from the west...and I am forgiven.