Tuesday, September 28, 2010

the other side.

i feel like a mess a lot. and i know i know i know. "you aren't a mess!" but that doesn't change that i feel that way.
i feel like i struggle to be the friend i want to be, to love people i want to, to give myself away like i want to.
my dark days pull me into this struggle that is a complete distraction from anything else. my fight for healing keeps me from focusing on the here and now. my desire for the future blinds me to the present. my heart just shuts down to the outside world.
i often just want to stop for a few days and really look at my life. see which relationships i want to put effort into. see where i could back off. just breathe. and then jump in again.
but that is impossible. and so is avoiding the storms of darkness, distraction, even the occasional appearance of dispair. they will always be there. there will always be bad days. period.

but do you know what we are promised? hope. not the absence of storms, but the presence of the other side. He asks us to go to the other side with Him. He says it will be there.

"That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, 'Let us go over to the other side.' Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"

He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, 'Quiet! Be still!' Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.

He said to his disciples, 'Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?'

They were terrified and asked each other, 'Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!'" Mark 4:35-41.

the credit to this concept of the other side does not go to me. in fact, i have only recently learned it and buried it in my heart. the credit definitely goes to my director and dear friend, erica. can i just tell you the beauty and comfort that comes from a woman who knows your story, understands it, and gives you hope? erica is that woman to me, the one who is consistantly pushing me, yet reminding me that there is hope. there is another side.
and for that, i say thank you. because i need that kind of friend. and i've found her in you, erica.

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