Sunday, February 17, 2013

Bitterness: It'll eat you up.

"Leave it in the darkness, and it festers and gets worse. Confession is opening the door to a dark, stale, dusty room, and inviting the light in to make it fresh and new again." -Lee Wilson

When the wisest man you know speaks, you listen...and you take his advice to heart. There have been many things that Lee has said to me, but this one has stuck with me. I have it saved in my phone, written in my journal, etched in my brain. Lee's wisdom is right, even when I am simply confessing my sins in front of myself and the Lord.

Bitterness has been the big one that I've let fester lately. Without going into too many details, last fall I was hurt very badly by someone I trusted completely...and since then, I've been bitter. Sure, I've bitten back angry words, only speaking my true feelings to those closest to me. I've never spoken ill of her, just expressed my sorrow. But man, have I been completely bitter.

There was a moment this week that I realized just how bitter I was towards her: the moment I rejoiced at her suffering. That's not an easy thing to confess, and I'm definitely not proud of it. But it just clicked for me at that moment. I had let all this yucky, festering sin build up in my heart, and it was changing how I reacted to things.

I can't say that I immediately let go of all the bitter feelings. There is a lot of damage there, and I have to work through that. But I've been brought back to reality. As a Believer, I cannot just sit here in sin and not do anything about it. I must take action, and fight against it with the strength of the Lord.

I wrote in my journal today: "I'm counting on the Gospel to wash away the bitterness in my soul. I need to get into the Word---and into the Light."
I'm praying to be "washed in the water of the Word..." and for that washing to cleanse the mess out of my soul.

2 comments:

  1. I miss you punkin! You know I'm always free to talk to you :)

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