In the night, my Hope lives on.

I'm really struggling with patience.
There. I said it. It's out.
I am completely and thoroughly impatient in many areas constantly. But this week in particular, I've been clawing at the floors of Heaven, trying to get God on board with my plans, and get things going in the "right" direction. It's hilarious that I think I have a good idea at all. But just wait. It gets even funnier.
I've been making my list, presenting it to the Lord, and feeling it bounce off the ceiling and into my lap.
"First of all, this whole teaching thing, Lord. I mean, I love kids...but I don't know why you want me in this. Do you even remember last semester, Jesus? It was so not fun. What if this semester is the same? What if I really am bad at this? Also why am I in Jackson if I can't find my niche in a classroom? And while we are on the topic of Jackson, God, shouldn't there be a husband here for me? I mean...I've got a great idea for one, but You haven't really told him that yet, so I'm still waiting. Do you see how old I am? 23! And I'm not getting any younger down here. So, are you going to work on that? Oh and what about my friendships? Shouldn't this be different? Shouldn't that be better?"
And on and on I go.
On Friday, I was reading Galatians 5:16-26, the passage we are working through at City. As I thought through the fruit of the Spirit, I realized something. "Let's see, love was Pastor Russ. Jordan was obviously joy. Kyle preached on peace. So, this week..." That's right. This week's sermon was on PATIENCE. From Friday on, I knew that I was going to get my butt kicked at church today. I dragged my heels getting there today. Sitting in the pew, I could feel it coming. Matthew Marshall started preaching...and it was nothing like I expected. I expected this sermon on how to be patient like the Lord. But instead, this was about how to be patient FOR the Lord. Prophetic patience, if you will. For as my hope is in the Lord, so should my eyes be on Him. Not on my current struggles or worries or pains, but on the prophesied Coming of the King. I should be patient in knowing that He is coming, and He will make the wrongs right. He will wipe every tear from every eye, and He will set the captives free. How much bigger is His plan to do all these things than to rescue me from my tiny worries!
So, though I know He is completely concerned with me and my needs and my cares, I instead choose to love the Lord by putting my hand on the plow and trusting that He indeed lives and will come again.
I don't know about you, but the time that my worries overtake me are usually nighttime. I'm very vulnerable to the lies of the devil when I am tired and alone. Today, we sang a song that completely changed my perspective on the night. I hope that by hearing these truths, you, dear reader, will be reminded of the Truth of the Gospel, and be assured that though your nights be dark, our Hope still lives on.
Listen to this song, and be reminded of the peace and hope we hold.

Water for the Soul

Two thousand twelve. Wow. It seems like yesterday we were filling up old two liter bottles with water for Y2K.  But here I am, eighteen days into the new year, and I'm looking at the next twelve months with much curiosity. Honestly, none of what I expected lies on my calendar.
I was expecting to graduate in May. I was expecting to know where I was working for the summer. I was expecting to be a bridesmaid in my best friend's wedding. (That one is happening, Praise God!) I was expecting to teach in the fall. I was expecting a lot of things.
But here I sit. I'll be a December graduate, Lord willing. I have no idea what I'm doing this summer. I will get to be a bridesmaid. And yes, I'll be teaching this fall, but as a student teacher, not in my own classroom.
And yes, it's all really scary. But the Lord has been teaching me so much about trusting Him and facing my future with courage. Do I feel courageous? No. I don't really. I feel small and insignificant. I feel very much alone. Do I have answers to all of these questions? No. I have zero answers. I want to have them so badly, but I don't have answers. All I have is the Word and the Holy Spirit...and I'm clinging to them so tightly.
My dear friend, Courtney, and I were talking about all of my worries and fears, and she said that she had been praying the following verses over me.

I have no idea if your 2012 is looking as unsure as mine, but I hope that those verses are water to your soul, like they are to mine. I hope they give you courage to face the unsure times that face us all.
Come, let us return to the Lord.
He will revive us, restore us.
Hallelujah.

Adventure.

I'm always thinking about how I want adventure. I long to fly across the ocean to a land I've never been to, and share this Mystery. I want to spin in fields for hours, and explain why I have joy to the farmer who finds me trampling his corn. I crave the crispness of a stream, winding through the forest, and the flowers that spring up beside it. I just want the adventure of the world beneath my feet and a song in my heart.
But, the truth is that I have that already.
When I stop to think about it, I'm in my adventure. I have a map, but it doesn't give me much detail. I'm starting a journey into a land of adulthood that I've never dared to touch before. I am running through fields of dreams that I didn't know were mine, and I'm working harder than ever before to make them real. I see the future laid out before me, and I want to get my passport stamped at every stop.
School. Graduation.
First Apartment. Teaching Job.
Journeyman.
And then what?
Wife? Mother? Teach again? More Missions? Seminary? Masters?

This. This is the adventure that I was created for...This is what I truly crave. This is what the song in my heart is about, this wonderland of passion and purpose. This is why I spin in skirts and skip through fields of cotton. This is why I squeeze through crowds to be closest to the ones I love, why I stop and pick flowers, why I hold every child I can get my hands on. This is my adventure.
I'm not looking for anything better, anything more, anything bigger. This fits my little girl self and my big heart perfectly. I am where I belong. Not this place. Not my room or Union or Jackson or America. But here, in His presence daily, in His plan constantly. This is where I belong.
Yes, some days are really hard and I have to fight to remember that I fit here. Yes, I am sometimes so discouraged while looking at the days ahead. Yes, I often have to pick myself up and start again. But that's the adventure. That's the movement that is life. The colors may change. The seasons may change. My heart may change. But I serve the Unchanging One.
This is my adventure. It is full. It is busy. It is crazy. It is mine.
But more importantly, it is His. It's His adventure that He has carefully laid out. Every spin, every flight, ever flower, every song, every child, every giggle- they are all planned. There is a purpose in each moment. It is simply my choice to see Him in them or to ignore Him and wonder why I feel so alone.
For this adventure is not one that I will every have to make on my own. This adventure means I have an eternal Partner and Provider. What an amazing adventure to be on...