Teach us to number our days.

Days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months...and suddenly, I'm standing here, looking at Thanksgiving and wondering where this semester went.
And then I remember.
It went to days and days of working with kindergartners.
Nights full of lesson planning.
Days filled with 5th graders.
More nights of planning.
But there has been more than that.
Nights full of laughter and conversation with friends.
Late nights dancing in the commons.
Hours spent in church services and choir rehearsals.
Time spent just being here in this moment.

And honestly, it has just swept over me like a giant wave. I've been lost in it, simply going through the motions. There has been little time spent thinking through the days...and much time spent doing.

Sadly, there has been little time spent praying. I didn't realize just how little I was communicating with the Father until one night, He just flat out told me. "You haven't spoken to Me in two weeks." Two weeks? It couldn't have been that long! But as I did the math, I knew He was right. I had been swept away and wrapped up...mostly in my own emotions. I didn't want to tell the Lord how I felt, and so I didn't speak to Him at all. However, in all of this there is an encouraging lesson. Though I stopped speaking to Him, He never stopped speaking to me. His voice was constantly on my ear, even when I didn't want to hear Him. The still small Voice was very real to me.

I'm once again astounded by His faithfulness. The silent treatment isn't fun for me, and I imagine it isn't fun for Him either. But He has stood by me. "There is no shadow of turning with Thee" is once again true. For my God is unmovable and unchanging. And for that, I am thankful.

Backed by a Powerful Army in this Battle.

This semester has flown by...and not with a gentle breeze, mind you. I've been caught up in this mighty rushing wind, gusting along through my life and pulling me along with it. I would be lying if I said that I've loved it. There have been many moments that I have enjoyed...and at least as many that I have greatly disliked. I'd be dishonest if I didn't mention that depression has decided to follow me around again. It's even more of a daily battle right now. I'm so grateful for the Lord's faithfulness...for I've found again that He is the only One who will truly remain faithful.
As I face the coming weeks, the work that lies ahead seems daunting. Hours to account for in the form of lesson plans. Minutes to fill with distractions from depressive thoughts. Seconds to tick by while I wish moments away. It's in those moments that contact with the Lord is necessary. He is the Lifeline that I cling to.
Each battle comes with a need for new armor, for the old armor is already dented. New coping mechanisms, new ideas, sometimes new medicine...the latest has required all three. I'm thankful that I have those options, as so many others fight this battle alone.
Alone is something I have often felt lately...but something I'm truly not. God has been gracious...and He has blessed me with an army to back me up. A little group of sophomores that I thought I was taking under my wing has truly taken up my burdens with me, and keeps my sanity close by. In fact, I was just told by one of them, "praying for you as I fall asleep." What a gem he is...and the rest of them as well. I didn't know I would need them, and now that I have them, I don't know what I'd do without their support and encouragement.
Though this is not the joyous update that would seem appropriate to my last semester of college, it is fitting, for the joy that is here is found in Christ. The hope that I have is from the Lord. The love that I know is not from humans, but rather from the Creator. And the human love has been given to me by God Himself as a promise that He will never leave me alone.