Surprise Surprise.

These first few weeks of summer have brought many surprises to my life.
I was surprised at how fun it is to keep two toddlers for a whole weekend, how hard it was to watch my class graduate, and how many hours Sarah and I talked on the phone while she drove to Texas.
I was surprised by how restful home was, seven sweet little kittens on our back porch, along with an intense tooth ache.
I was surprised by a hotel stay, my favorite getaway, and  a lovely bouquet of daisies.
I was surprised by the decision to remove my painful tooth, the strength of the sedatives they gave me and how few hours of that day I actually can remember.
I was surprised at how much I immediately missed my Sarah.
I was surprised at how often Karisa and I talk and how badly I want to leave for Louisville daily.
I was surprised by how quickly Natalie's wedding is approaching.
I was surprised by how quickly I've come to love being in Jackson for the summer and my quick friendship with baby Liam, my daily dose of therapy.
I was surprised at the sheer energy and sweetness of my Rising High School Senior Residents, as well as my energy and lack of fear during our first tornado warning, and my first as an RA.
I was surprised by my need for alone time...and how hard it is to find.
I was surprised by how grateful I am to have Margaret, Anna Marie, Kate, and Molly in Jackson too.
I was surprised by the Lord's graciousness towards me, and His moving in my heart to break it again over my friends and residents.

But honestly, I'm not surprised anymore. All of these things...they are in the plan. I didn't design the plan, but I know Who did, and He loves to throw a good curve ball. I can tell that I'm growing to roll with the punches, to not be surprised, but rather anticipate the new wrenches in my plans. In the end, the fact that I had a plan....well, that's what messes everything up. Waiting on Him and His direction...that makes the curve balls a little less surprising. And honestly, I'd rather get a curve ball to the stomach from the Lord than have smooth sailing on my own messy plan.

The Battle to Get Out of Bed.

There is a certain feeling that comes when I awake in the morning. The desire to stay nested within my blankets wars with the restlessness in my limbs. My arms beg me to stretch them while my toes plead that I keep them warm. I have woken up over 7,850 times in my little life. That equals thousands of mornings that I have felt this fight tear through my brain, heart, and limbs. The alarm goes off and it is like the bugle at the beginning of a battle. Even with the snooze button in action, somewhere deep inside me knows that this rest is short. The battle will begin again soon. I mustn't give in to the sweetness of sleep completely. 


This feeling is very similar to the fight within my soul between my desire for my own will and the will of the Father. It makes me restless and angry, not with anyone besides myself. For I do know that this battle is of my own choosing. I choose which side to fight on. Will I fight for myself, for my own desires, for my own plans? Or will I surrender to the Savior's plan? My heart continues to be torn between both worlds: The Human and the Heavenly. I can feel the tug in both directions. Even in the quiet moments, I know that the war will continue. 


The simple fact is that in both of these battles, I already know the outcome. Yes, I still have to fight, but I know who will win in the end. Every morning, I know that no matter how much I want to sleep, I will have to get out of bed. It may be a few minutes (or hours) later than I planned, but I will get up and I will be happier because of it. Every day, I know that the Lord's plan will always win out in the end. Be it in the little moments like who I spend time with or the big moments like how long I stay at Union, His plan will win. Sometimes it seems to be a heavy burden to know that I can't really affect anything in my life, but it really should set my heart at ease. I'm not in control. He is. I shouldn't be restless. I should be restful. My plans have been exchanged for His perfect plan.


"Right gladly would He free them from their misery, but He knows only one way: He will teach them to be like Himself, meek and lowly, bearing with gladness the yoke of His Father's will. This is the one, the only right, the only possible way of freeing them from their sin, the cause of their unrest." George MacDonald