I am beginning to realize that I often live in fear. It's not a fear of death or even hardship. It's more often a fear of people's feelings towards me or their opinions of me. Just this week, I played a prank on my dearest friend. I was not even the mastermind, nor the only participant. and yet I am ridden with angst as to how she feels towards me. You might say, "But, Anna, she is one of your closest friends. You are expected to care more." But it is just that. I should not care more, for I care so much about those who do not even know me.
I know that the fear of God is pleasing to Him. The Scripture even says, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." I would venture to say that the fear of humans, especially only their feelings, is the beginning of stupidity. In this certain situation, I know it will die away. Oh yes, I will get pranked. But it was worth it. And she and I will continue to be friends. She will continue to love me. Christ has lead us thus far and will continue to lead us in this direction.
I am sincerely learning to take only Christ's convictions and words to heart. Why would I not take the Lover of my soul's words to heart? He knows me. He loves me. While she and the rest of the human race may "know" me and "love" me, they cannot possibly care about me in the fashion of Christ. All human love is imitation. It is like all fake things-beautiful and fun, yet totally unsatisfying.
I am satisfied in the will and glory of Christ. I am satisfied to fear Him. I am satisfied in my small amounts of knowledge, for I know that they will be replaced by His wisdom in due time. Praise the merciful Father for His grace towards His stupid and fearful princess.