Monday, December 28, 2009
the puzzle of my heart.
I can generally fit the puzzle of my heart together. I know the pieces so well. The big one of Christ, my Savior and Lord. One for each of my best friends: Lindsey and Natalie. One for each member of my family: Mama, Daddy, Emma, Audrey, Andrew. One for each of my dear ones: Erin, Megan, Robyn, Rachel, Betsy, Abbie, Cassie, Andi, Jenn, Rachel,Katherine, Lauren, Kristen, Michele... One for each of the women I look up to: Sarah, Kristin, Leeza... One for each of my favorite places that I've been: Union, Colorado, Home. One for each of the places that I want to go: Nicaragua, NYC, Europe, Israel, Uganda, Liberia... One for each of God's gifts to me: Music, Discernment, Encouragement, Joy, Creativity... And so many more. I can categorize them and organize them into their little places and they all fit together perfectly.
But then, there are these holes. Pieces right in the middle, next to my Lindsey and Natalie and my family, that just aren't there. One of them, a rather large one, I know is my husband. It has no name on it, nor a face, but it has much love on it. I know that it will be filled in due time. God has a plan for that area of my life that He has started to reveal, and it involves much patience on my part. Right next to my husband are all these different shaped pieces. They fit so well, all nestled together. They are all different colors and sizes. I already long to know these pieces. Some of them are nameless. They have much love, but like my husband, I have no idea about them yet. However, some have names. The names that I hold close to my heart. The names of my dearest friends. The names that have been laid on my heart. The names I hope to name my children.
You see, the pieces that I love and long for, the holes that sometimes seem to take over every thought, are my little ones. The children that I will one day have, be they biological or adopted. Oh how I love them. How I long for them.
I've been reading Katie Davis' blog (www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com). She is a remarkable woman! At age 21, she lives in Uganda and is the mother of 14 sweet Ugandan girls. How I wish her calling was my own. I know that my life is meant to be my own, but how lovely it must be to have 14 daughters, to be feeding 300 others on a regular basis, to have God so glorified through your life and love.
I cannot tell you who my husband is to be. I cannot tell you where each of our children will be born. I cannot tell you where I will live, who I will know, what I will do. However, I can tell you that he will love me only second to Christ. I can tell you that our children will be born into a loving family. I can tell you I will live in the warmth of the Father's wings, be friends with Believers, and I will do whatever God calls me to do.
I can also tell you that many nights, I pray over those little pieces of my heart. Some I can only whisper hope and joy and love over. However, some I can whisper a name over...