When I am with my mom, we always do a few things. Usually I paint her nails or fix her hair. We cruise the clearance racks at Target and Old Navy. We talk recipes and life. And she lets me wear her ring.
This isn't just any ring. This is my grandmother's engagement ring. My grandaddy bought it for her in the 1940's. It's tiny-only a fourth of a carat-and it's beautiful. My grandmother gave it to my mom for Christmas last year...and I immediately knew I wanted it. What girl hasn't dreamed of a diamond on her finger? Now, it's true what my best friends will tell you. I do want a pearl engagement ring. There is a long story behind that...and that is for another day. But truly, I adore this ring. I love its' style, its' shape, its' simplicity.
I know what you are thinking: "When did this become another one of those fashion blogs?" Well, it's not...This ring also has a story. The small story is that my mom came to visit me, let me wear the ring, and I forgot to give it back. So, this little lady is wearing an antique engagement ring until Thanksgiving. Yes, I'm smiling.
But, there is a bigger picture. This ring-this 70 year old ring-it has seen a world of emotions, including a large amount of sorrow. You see, this ring was worn by my grandmother while she was married to my grandaddy...and taken off when they were divorced. My mom was not a little girl; she was in college, like I am. But this divorce shook her world. Even my senior year, when my grandaddy passed away, I could see the pain that their disunity caused my mom and her siblings. My grandmother tried, but even the biggest effort she could make could never be enough to heal the years of pain that their divorce has caused their family.
So, when I look down at my finger and see this ring, I do see my dreams of marriage. I do see a gorgeous diamond that I get to wear for a while. But I also see pain that my mother has lived with for years. I see a symbol of forever that means nothing now. And it hurts my heart for my mom, for my grandmother, for the whole family that has had to see this heartache.
All in all, what are my real emotions? What do I really think? I have to agree with one of my dearest friends who recently looked me in the eye and said, "Anna, I do love him, but I'm terrified of divorce." Exactly. I love the idea of being in love. I long for that day. But I am scared out of my mind that I will go through this exact same pain. I'm terrified that my ring will one day look to my granddaughter like this ring looks to me.
In all of this, I take great hope in the fact that my future husband loves the Lord more than life itself, something that was not reflected in the life of my grandfather...and I'm led even more so to pray for my future husband.
Maybe having this ring isn't just about having a diamond on my finger for a week. Maybe it's about preparing my heart for having a diamond (or a pearl) on my finger for the rest of my life.