What a Wave.

I can't believe I have gone a whole month without posting here. If anything, that just shows you how busy, crazy, and absolutely amazing my June was. Much to your disappointment (hopefully), I'm not going to be recapping my whole month today. I'm taking a Luke Pruett-ordered detox week, and heading to Dickson tomorrow to spend time with my family.
What I can tell you is that the Lord truly is the same God that He has always been: the Creator God who delights in His children, the Atoning God who provides a different sacrifice, the Loving God who personally builds amazing friendships like David and Jonathon's, and the Restoring God who gives strength when we are weak.
Though I am desperately missing our Rising Seniors, especially a certain few (You know who you are), I am grateful for this time of reflection and renewal. I can see the shadows of uncertainty rising in my future, and I'm glad for these few days to be still and rest my body with my loved ones and rest my spirit before the Lord.
For now, I leave you with my new favorite quote: "I have learned to kiss the wave that throws me against the Rock of Ages." Thank you, Charles Spurgeon, for speaking my thoughts exactly.

Queen of Hearts.

Oh this day. Xs & Os. Pink and Red. Candy, Candy, and more Candy.
I love it all. I'm so happy to see all the love around me. From the happily married couple who pours into me daily, to my engaged best friend who has taught me much about love, both romantic and agape, to my dear pair of friends who have faithfully fought the good fight these past few months as they face physical heart problems with spiritually whole hearts...all of these have taught me so much. So, while the world bustles around, buying last minute flowers, dressing up for dates, watching "The Vow," I think I'll cozy up with a jazz piano version of "My Funny Valentine" and read one of my new favorite kids books, "Queen of Hearts." Cause who doesn't want to be Queen on this day?
Enjoy the chocolate and all the love, my friends. This video, dear reader, is my Valentine to you.

Hearts (The Valentines Day Video) from Moist Creation on Vimeo.

Anything but Beautiful.

I've been sitting here for nearly an hour, trying to put my thoughts and feelings about this Christmas into some beautiful words like I usually do. I've tried carols. I've thought of metaphors. I've even considered just copying a beautiful poem about Christmas and calling it a day.
But the truth is that isn't what it's all about.
You see, the first Christmas was anything but beautiful.
 Mary was a teenage mother. She had never had a baby before. She was newly married to a man who wasn't the baby's father. She'd been traveling for days. She was tired...and I'm willing to imagine that she was frustrated with Joseph, the census, and the Lord.
Joseph was trying his hardest. He really was. But there simply was no room. The stable was all they had. Imagine any man hearing that they had to live in a barn. They'd simply be furious. I imagine Joseph was...but he was keeping it together for Mary.
There were animals. Everywhere. Sheep, goats, cows, pigs, donkeys...I'm sure they had them all. Add the odd mouse and stray cat, and you have a full house. Not only was it full, I'm sure it wasn't pleasing to the nose or the ears. Imagine laboring for the first time...surrounded by the sounds of grunting pigs and the smells that cows leave behind. It's just not a pretty picture.
The labor gets hard and intense. Mary has no idea what is coming next, no idea what to do. And Joseph? Well, he probably was doing what any new father would be doing: pacing and muttering. I imagine they both we questioning the Lord at this point. "Was this really what you had in mind for your Son, Lord? I thought I would at least have a bed..." "Can't you see the pain she is in, God? Why did you put me with this woman?"
Mary pushes through, determined to be faithful to the Lord, to literally see the face of God. Joseph prays constantly for her safety, for his own sanity. They are surrounded by animals, far away from home, and yet they are steadfast, facing the Lord's plan and seeing it as good.
One final moment of pain...and then the heart-breakingly beautiful sound of a baby's first cry, a cry that is often joined by the joyous tears of his parents. I imagine that Mary gently cradled her son, and whispered His name over and over, assuring Him of her love and marveling at His. Perhaps Joseph praised the Lord loudly, and then joined his wife on the floor to see the face of his Son and Savior.
I like to think that this little family had their own moment of adoration and worship, a moment they could truly cherish throughout the coming years. I can almost see Mary glow as she sings a song of praise for and to the Christ Child. I can imagine Joseph's face as he held the baby for the first time. Tears streaming down his face, strong arms holding the One whose arms hold the world.
I imagine they were both filled with wonder at the Baby. This tiny child...this is the Messiah? This is the Rescue for Israel? Yes, Yes. This is the Savior who is Christ the Lord. This is your Jesus.
No, the Christmas story doesn't seem to be terribly beautiful...but the center of it, the heart of the Father and His desire to save us...that is true beauty. The eyes of a little girl, weeping over her Son...that is gorgeous. The heart of a father, claiming a Child who shares no genes with him...that is precious.
The tiny Baby, somehow fully God and fully Man, the Messiah, the Chosen One, Emmanuel...
That is beautiful.

She lets me wear her ring.

When I am with my mom, we always do a few things. Usually I paint her nails or fix her hair. We cruise the clearance racks at Target and Old Navy. We talk recipes and life. And she lets me wear her ring.

This isn't just any ring. This is my grandmother's engagement ring. My grandaddy bought it for her in the 1940's.  It's tiny-only a fourth of a carat-and it's beautiful. My grandmother gave it to my mom for Christmas last year...and I immediately knew I wanted it. What girl hasn't dreamed of a diamond on her finger? Now, it's true what my best friends will tell you. I do want a pearl engagement ring. There is a long story behind that...and that is for another day. But truly, I adore this ring. I love its' style, its' shape, its' simplicity.

 I know what you are thinking: "When did this become another one of those fashion blogs?" Well, it's not...This ring also has a story. The small story is that my mom came to visit me, let me wear the ring, and I forgot to give it back. So, this little lady is wearing an antique engagement ring until Thanksgiving. Yes, I'm smiling. 

But, there is a bigger picture. This ring-this 70 year old ring-it has seen a world of emotions, including a large amount of sorrow. You see, this ring was worn by my grandmother while she was married to my grandaddy...and taken off when they were divorced. My mom was not a little girl; she was in college, like I am. But this divorce shook her world. Even my senior year, when my grandaddy passed away, I could see the pain that their disunity caused my mom and her siblings. My grandmother tried, but even the biggest effort she could make could never be enough to heal the years of pain that their divorce has caused their family. 

So, when I look down at my finger and see this ring, I do see my dreams of marriage. I do see a gorgeous diamond that I get to wear for a while. But I also see pain that my mother has lived with for years. I see a symbol of forever that means nothing now. And it hurts my heart for my mom, for my grandmother, for the whole family that has had to see this heartache. 

All in all, what are my real emotions? What do I really think? I have to agree with one of my dearest friends who recently looked me in the eye and said, "Anna, I do love him, but I'm terrified of divorce." Exactly. I love the idea of being in love. I long for that day. But I am scared out of my mind that I will go through this exact same pain. I'm terrified that my ring will one day look to my granddaughter like this ring looks to me. 

In all of this, I take great hope in the fact that my future husband loves the Lord more than life itself, something that was not reflected in the life of my grandfather...and I'm led even more so to pray for my future husband.

Maybe having this ring isn't just about having a diamond on my finger for a week. Maybe it's about preparing my heart for having a diamond (or a pearl) on my finger for the rest of my life. 

All Because of an Egg.

Last night at about 11:15 PM, my phone began to ring. I checked the Caller ID, only to see that my dear friend, Anna Marie, was calling. I prepared myself to hear the sounds of voices around her, as I am used to being butt-dialed from her back pocket.
However, I was in for a special treat.
"Hello?"
"Hi. Okay. Think about your baking skills."
What? "I'm thinking about them..."
"So...what can I substitute for an egg?"
"Um...applesauce usually works in cakes or brownies. But other than that..."
"Good. We're making brownies. (At this point, I didn't know that I was included in this "we.") Crap. No applesauce."
"Oh Anma, that's okay! I'll bring one over to you."
"See, I'm at my house. My real one. Where my parents live."
"Oh. Well...I don't know what to tell you."
"I'll just come back to campus and bake them. Meet me at my room in five?"
"Sure."
"Loveyoubye."
"Loveyoubye."
Click.
Find egg. Find shoes. Find sweatshirt. Explain to girls where I am going.
I felt like Domestic Superwoman.
I got to Anna Marie's room, and find her frantically looking for vegetable oil. Of course, no one is awake now...but luckily, I find butter and quickly melt it.
We begin adding things to the bowl of butter.
Brownie mix.
Water.
Now for the eggs. I turn my back to check that the oven is on and...
"Oh no!"
Anna Marie had cracked the egg...into the sink and down the drain.
Good.
Find another egg in the fridge. Add to mixture.
Abigail gives us encouragement and frilly aprons.
We tie them on and buckle down.
Anna Marie furiously stirs the batter while I grease the pan.
Suddenly, she freezes.
"Oh dear. I think...No, I definitely left the oven on at home."
We switch into high gear. Pour the batter in the pan. Tell Abigail to listen for the smoke alarm.
We dash out of the apartment, still in our aprons, determined to turn off the oven before the house burns down.
As we walk in, Anma says, "It's not going to be on. It's not going to be on..."
But it is. After shutting that fire hazard down, we raid the fridge for yogurt and I receive a quick tour of the home.
We race back to school, aprons flying everywhere and laugh at sidewalk couples as we approach her building.
Up the stairs, and into the apartment, we smell the brownies and I feel like I can finally breathe now that I know they aren't burnt.
We find Abigail, still awake and giddy.
General girl talk ensues, mostly stories about awkward encounters in the Lex and at flag football games.
Typical Union.
But what follows is not typical of all, but it is typical of these girls.
We talk about devotions and Elisabeth Elliot and what we are reading and learning.
We slip from girl talk to Gospel in about 2.5 seconds.
And I breathe it in.
The smell of brownies.
The scent of friendship.
And the sweet aroma of the Lord's pleasure in blessing us.
Not only with His grace, but with each other.
And I hug Anna Marie.
And we whisper of our gratefulness for each other and how sweet the Lord is.
And I am reminded that I'm loved.

But the silly thing is...it's all just because she needed an egg.
Oh the joys of spontaneity and friendship.

Air Mail: Margaret.

Welcome to my new series: Air Mail! Each week, I'll be sharing some post cards that either I have written or received. (I have a set of 3 from my sweet little friends at home that highlights their recent family vacations to DC during the earthquakes. Get ready to giggle.)

I'm excited to start this new series with a postcard to my sweet friend, Margaret. (Just click to make it big.)

Letter 1: My Best Friend.

Natalie,

I have a number of girls I would call one of my best friends: Linds, Kathryn, Kathleen, Ahnna, Jess, Abigail, Courtney, but they know and I know that there is only one you: my very best friend. You are the one I miss the most after just one day apart. This summer has been crazy without you by my side. Praise God for phones and Skype!

Can you believe that we are about to start our senior year? It's good to know that we are both terrified and excited. I'm glad that we can always share things. Whether it be food, time, a bed, or our thoughts, I know that it's ours. That's a favorite thing.

It's you that knows my deepest secrets, my biggest worries, the longings of my heart. I'm so blessed that you always have answers to my questions and worries. You may not know the answer, but you know what to say to calm me and make me realize that God is in control.

Soon, we'll be grown-ups. Looking at the road in front of us, I see that there is a plan...I just don't know it yet. I know that there will be crazy things ahead. I know we will be looking at you getting married and me getting out of the country. But I know that I'll stand next to you when you say, "I do," and I know that you'll be there next to me before I get on that plane.

You are the perfect counterpart to me. Know that there will never be someone to take your place. You are it. The best. We need each other.

Thank you for keeping my secrets safe. I never have to worry about that with you, and I'm so thankful. We need best friend necklaces, by the way.

Oh and you are never annoyed by my ADD! That is a major plus. I can go on for hours about nothing and everything, and you still listen. What kind of love is this?

Seriously, you are the best, Natalie Therese. I'm amazed by how perfect we are for each other. Best friends til the end.

I love you with my entire heart.

Your Anna.

Salt. Sand. Sea.

In the past six or seven years, our family vacations have consisted of one night getaways to Six Flags or a similar theme park. Not that I don't love those, but this little girl has motion sickness like nobody's business. Roller coasters/Carousels/Tilt-a-whirls and I just do not mix well. Praise the Lord for Daddy's new job and faraway vacations! We took off to Florida for a long weekend, and it was a blessed getaway for all six of us. Here's a few photos to show off the sights...

This is Audrey, my 15 year old drama queen sister. I love that smile so much. She really is so gorgeous, not to mention she loves the Lord with her whole heart.

The last time we went to the beach, Andrew was a little one. Obviously, this 13 year old's first view of the ocean was a memory for all of us. "Wait...all of that is water?"

Emma's photos of this vacation are probably ten million times better than mine. She is definitely a phenomenal photographer, and a hilarious friend. 18 years of friendship and fighting have served us well, sister.

I was a tad bit obsessed with the texture of this wood and the shadows it cast onto the ground beneath it. The sand is probably one of my favorite parts of the beach. The purity of the grains, the sheer amount of them...they are a small thing that reminds me of my smallness as well.

This photo is easily my favorite. The color of the ocean. The wave just as it is breaking. The pier stretching into the distance. I was blessed to capture such beauty. He is too good to me.